Choices
by BRUCAS123
Summary: It’s been almost seventy years since my life changed for the first time. I didn’t know it then, but it started my love life on a whirlwind ride that seemed never ending for nearly fifty-five years. Lucas' POV. Future BL with minor LP mention.


_I'm just making a time change. Thank you **TeamSophia **for pointing it out. I did have it worked out but 16 years was on my mind for some reason. BL were married 36 years, not 16. I can't believe myself. I knew I planned it so that they were married longer than LP. Sorry guys! I'm blushing if only you could see me hahaha._

So I know, I know. I was never writing again and all that jazz. But I had this thought and no one slapped it out of me. And I was in a mood. And wrote a lot. So I thought I'd post this little drabble. This is for Lizzy. Because she had to scroll for her name last time. And Chey, because her eyes are going to feel better about this writing. Haha.

I guess I should tell you all that this is Lucas' POV. The timeline is very planned out. I have a whole page where I figured out ages at every moment. It starts out with an 86 year old Lucas talking. And then he's thinking in past tense. And he brings it to the present time. Here it is. Hope you like.

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. They're Mark's. But I wish he'd do something with them for a change. The title and lyrics are from a George Jones song.**

* * *

_I've had choices  
__There were voices  
__That told me right from wrong  
__If I had listened  
__No I wouldn't be here today  
__Living and dying  
__With the choices I made_

* * *

It's been almost seventy years since my life changed for the first time. Not on a basketball court. But in the back seat of my mom's old jeep. The most popular girl in my class, half naked, made her first attempt at getting my attention. I didn't know it then, but it started my love life on a whirlwind ride that seemed never ending for nearly fifty-five years.

She wanted me. So did her best friend- most of the time. And my mind was always clouded with the two of them. Someone, well more than one someone actually, once told me that I was conflicted. My heart was conflicted. Between boldly gorgeous and tortured beauty. Between brunette and blonde. Between real emotions and dreamlike fantasies. Between passion and safety. Between the burst of red and the subtle white. Between Brooke and Peyton. Between my heart and my mind. And, all too often, I chose wrong. And, more than I can count, I hurt the one person I've loved more than anything. All my life.

* * *

Too often, I chose Peyton.

The first time was a couple of months after the moment in the jeep. It's a forgivable mistake. Brooke forgave us. She loved us after it. I remember telling her that I never meant to hurt her. I can still clearly hear her voice cracking with her response.

"_That doesn't really matter, Lucas, because in the end it all hurts just the same."_

I knew then that I'd made a big mistake. It should have been the last time I ever chose anyone over her. But it was just the first in a line of bad choices when it came to loving her.

The next time, Peyton was practically dying. I had this insane hero complex when it came to Brooke's best friend. I just wanted to help her. It meant nothing but my gorgeous girlfriend didn't see it that way. She saw it as a betrayal. A lie. I made the wrong choice again. And I paid for it dearly.

After she walked away, the choices I made got worse. I should've avoided Peyton. Taken a page from my ex-girlfriend. Maybe then, she'd have known I was serious about winning her back. But she didn't. And then she gave me a chance and at the end of the night, instead of fighting for us when she said we were wrong for each other, I chose to appease her. I was tired. It's not an excuse. But it's the truth.

Bad decisions can really wear a guy out. The next couple of years were whoppers and by the time I was twenty, I thought I had reached my lifetime quota when it came to Brooke.

Peyton and I were together for the last three months of high school. I should have known how Brooke felt about it when I saw her face in Honey Grove. She walked in on our first time. But I had actually started to believe by then that safety was the right choice. But when my safety net failed, and Peyton didn't want commitment, I ran to passion. And she turned me away too.

I remember my thoughts that night.

_I knew she'd never want me again. I hated myself. And every choice I had ever made._

When she came home with Peyton, I didn't look at her that way. I forced myself to see her as a friend. Another wrong move.

She was my best friend at a time when true friends were hard to come by. Everyone betrayed me. Everyone but Brooke.

And yet, I chose fantasy again. And my true love got left behind.

Seventeen years. That's how long Peyton and I were married. We amicably divorced when we were forty. Our children were ten and fifteen. But there was no fight. There was never a fight. It was quiet, peaceful even. And I resented it.

* * *

About eight years later, that burst of red reentered my life. She was widowed. She had adopted a little girl, Casey, about a year after my wedding to Peyton. They were in our lives for awhile but then she chose to marry a guy she'd met in LA and move there. I begged her to stay. For Peyton. For Haley. For Jamie. For my newborn daughter. For Casey to have a family. For me. But her mind was made up.

"_It's not fair for you to expect me to stay here, alone, while you all have families. I'll always love you, Lucas. But this, this I need to do for me and for my daughter. She needs a father. She'll have a family. I promise. You all can visit whenever you like. And I'll come back here, too."_

She was right. And, then, she was gone. We missed her desperately. They visited. So did we. But it wasn't the same.

I felt empty without her near me. It probably added to the unhappiness in my marriage. To Peyton resenting me and not wanting to be around me while I brooded. Yet, my marriage is the only bad choice that I don't regret. I got Ellie and Keith out of it. And I'll never be sorry for having them. Brooke wouldn't want that, anyway.

* * *

It took two years for me to work up the courage to choose bold. To choose gorgeous. To choose life. To choose love. We were married almost immediately. We didn't want to waste any more time apart.

And, now, I'm sitting here, with the best choice I've ever made. My life for the last thirty-eight years. My wife of thirty-six years. And our children. All five of them. Brooke's been an amazing mother to her own kids and a second mother to mine. They all love her as if she were an extension of them. As we love them. As I love her.

We're all watching her take what we know are going to be her last breaths. I'm watching the kids' hearts break a little more with each passing minute. Mine is already shattered.

I want a few minutes with her. **Just us.** I don't need them to see this.

* * *

I know I'm already crying as I climb into our bed with her. I'm careful not to wake her but I hear her raspy voice anyway.

"Don't do this, Broody. Don't be sad. There's no need. I've lived a perfect life. You just need to worry about spoiling our grandbabies rotten enough for both of us."

I don't know hot to even respond to that. "How do I go on? We haven't had enough time together."

She laughs as much as she can without it hurting and asks me, "How long would have been enough?"

"We should have been together for going on seventy years. Not only thirty-six. Me and my horrible choices. I want to give you that time, baby, you deserve it." I know I shouldn't be going here with her but I have to. She has to know how I feel. How I've always loved her.

"How long have you loved me?"

It's a simple question. And there's no hesitation in my answer. "Seventy years. Or more."

She smiles, "Same here, gorgeous. So you don't need to give me anything. You've given me everything I ever could have asked for. You gave me you."

It's silent as I think about this. And then she tells me that everything happens for a reason. We have our children because of the choices we have both made. She emphasizes that we both made choices. And she says that maybe we both chose wrong but everything is right, right now, and all's well that ends well.

She's right, my beautiful wife, but I still can't imagine life without her. I tell her that and then I murmur, "I love you, Brooke Davis-Scott, and I always will."

I can see her dimples shine through this smile. She whispers back, "Oh Lucas, I have never loved anyone the way I love you. I may be gone physically, but I'll carry you with me and we'll meet again."

And I watch, my eyes transfixed on her, as her eyes close. She pulls me close. Inhales once. And exhales. And then again. And then she's gone.

* * *

The oldest, Casey, talks first at the funeral. Telling us all of the beautiful woman who took her in and loved her as her own. She cries as she says that her one goal in life was to make her mama proud. And she hopes that she has. When she goes back to sit with her husband, I smile at her. Brooke was so proud. I'll make sure she knows it.

Logan and Eddie, Brooke's boys, don't talk. They can't seem to find their voices. But Logan's youngest daughter, Chelsea, does. She's gives me her grandma's smile from the podium and recalls a story that Brooke always used to tell her. About love. About finding love and knowing the right guy. She tells everyone that Brooke was fulfilled. That's what is getting her through this. She turns her hazel eyes on me again and speaks directly to me.

"Thank you, pop-pop. You gave her your love. That was what she always wanted."

Ellie went up and told everyone about her godmother. And the love of her father's life. She looks up, then, and asks her auntie to say hi to her mama for her.

Jamie and Keith don't speak. The just opt not to.

And for a guy with five best sellers under his belt, I'm at a loss at the podium. Of the five of us, it's only me and Nathan left. I've done this twice before. But this is, by far, the hardest for me. I simply say that she was everything.

"For seventy years, one thing has remained constant in my mind. A picture of a pretty girl, in a purple sweater, telling me that my life had just changed. And she was right. Her smile changed everything in me. Our love was never quiet. We were loud and we fought. But, even at a distance, our hearts always remained with each other. We shared the same heart. I just wish I had realized it sooner. But I won't dwell on that. She doesn't want me to. I'm going to live out my life with the family that she helped build. The family whose love meant everything to her. The family that she so desperately wanted. I could never love them enough for the both of us. There was too much love in Brooke. But I'm going to do my very best."

I look at her picture. She's all I ever wanted. All I ever needed. I tell her not to cause too much trouble up there with Peyt and Hales. And to give mom and Keith a kiss from me. And we will meet again. It's the one thing I'm sure of. We can never be apart for too long.

* * *

_She was the best choice I ever made_. I've always been in love with her. Even when my actions didn't prove it. Especially then. It was then, when I was hurting the most. It was then, when I was conscious of it the most.

I start a new tradition with her when I go to sleep that night. I talk to her. I tell her about Chelsea's unborn baby. It's a girl. They're naming her Brooke. She'll live on forever through this family. I can't wait to be with her again. Until then, I know she's here with me.

_I feel her heart in me. Just like I always have._

* * *

_Living and dying  
__With the choices I made_

* * *

Hope you all enjoyed. Review please and let me know what you thought!

-Corey


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